Pain has a reputation for being obvious. We expect it to come with words like “My back is killing me” or “My knee feels like it’s on fire today.”
But what if your parent can’t put those feelings into words? This can be especially challenging when trying to detect the signs of pain in dementia, but it can also occur in someone who grew up believing pain was simply something you endured without complaining. After a while, they may not even realize how much discomfort they’ve gradually come to accept as part of everyday life.
In circumstances like these, pain shows up in unexpected ways. Someone who has always been easygoing may suddenly become irritable or withdrawn, or they might lose interest in meals, sleep more poorly, or seem more confused than usual. At first glance, none of these changes point directly to pain, which is why they’re so often mistaken for aging or memory loss.
The challenge is learning to look beyond the behavior itself. Sometimes what appears to be stubbornness, agitation, or increasing confusion is actually a response to physical discomfort that hasn’t been recognized. The key is knowing what to watch for.
Look for Changes, Not Just Complaints
One of the clearest signs that something is wrong is a change in behavior. Think about what is typical for your loved one. Are they suddenly less patient? More restless? Less interested in hobbies they normally enjoy? Do they seem reluctant to participate in activities they usually look forward to?
A single bad day doesn’t necessarily mean someone is in pain. However, when you notice a meaningful change that lasts for several days or keeps happening under similar circumstances, it’s worth taking a closer look.
Pay Attention to Their Movements
Pain often becomes more noticeable when the body is in motion. Watch how your loved one gets out of a chair, climbs into bed, walks across the room, or reaches into a cabinet. Do they hesitate before standing? Brace themselves on furniture? Favor one side? Move more slowly than they did a few weeks ago?
These types of mobility changes are often subtle, but they can provide valuable clues about where someone may be experiencing discomfort.
Keep a Simple Three-Day Pain Log
It’s not always easy to recall everything you’ve noticed over the past several weeks when you’re at a doctor’s appointment. A simple notebook or notes app can make those conversations much more productive.
For three days, jot down when you notice a behavior change, what your loved one was doing beforehand, how long it lasted, and whether anything seemed to make it better or worse. You don’t need pages of notes. A few observations noted each day can reveal patterns that are otherwise easy to miss.
Those details help healthcare providers understand what may be contributing to the problem and can guide decisions about treatment.
Respond with Reassurance Instead of Correction
When an older loved one becomes upset or refuses to do something, our first instinct is often to encourage, persuade, or explain. Before doing that, consider another possibility. Ask yourself whether they might be uncomfortable.
Instead of saying, “Come on, you can do it,” try asking gentle questions or acknowledging what you’re seeing. “You seem uncomfortable today” or “Let’s take a break for a minute” is much more reassuring than trying to convince someone to push through discomfort they can’t explain.
Even when they can’t tell you exactly what hurts, knowing that someone recognizes their distress can help reduce frustration for both of you.
Familiar Faces Notice the Small Things
One advantage of consistent home care is familiarity. A caregiver who spends time with the same person each week learns what is normal for them. They notice when getting out of the recliner suddenly takes more effort, when a daily walk becomes shorter, or when someone who usually chats through lunch becomes unusually quiet.
Sometimes an Extra Set of Eyes Makes All the Difference
Subtle changes are often the first sign that something isn’t quite right. Because our caregivers spend regular time with the people they care for, they get to know each person’s normal routines, personality, and mobility. That familiarity makes it easier to notice small changes and share them before they become bigger concerns.
Want to learn more? Let’s talk. You can reach us any time at 800.791.7785 to learn more about our in-home care services in Keokuk, Mt. Pleasant, Burlington, and across Southeast Iowa.